you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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