so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
