Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
