My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
