I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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