I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just google imaged poop.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
