well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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