I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
