So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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