I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Pooping to opera.
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