Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?