No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
