Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
