i think my tv is drunk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
