the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
