this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
