No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
