rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
