the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize