so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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