I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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