i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
