he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
