so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
