and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
