Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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