I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
