Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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