My cat gives me a boner
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
