There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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