I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize