just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
