My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
