uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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