I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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