I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
