I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
