They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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