Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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