She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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