dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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