Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
