I just cut my nipple shaving
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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