I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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