OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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