The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Someone signed my nipple.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
