so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
