so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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