My friends, they love my intelligence
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this hospital has no fireball
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
