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Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
