the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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