Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
