so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
accomplished twins. life is a go
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
