My friends, they love my intelligence
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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