I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
