i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
