Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
