i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
