Fine. I'll sleep in my office
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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