I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
