you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
