LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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