Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
