I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
