I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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