i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
