they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
