I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
