When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
