remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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