Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
