At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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