I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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